June 13th, 2010
The Surf Count of Waist High Or Better is now 15 out of 17 weeks...

I don't know what made me think of this, but back in 1993 I worked for WBCN Radio in Boston. I take it most of you New Englanders have heard of BCN. It was just the biggest Rock station in the country. The GM was my good friend and fellow surfer Tony Berardini. Tony talked me into doing a daily beach report. I used my alias, Capt Vince Shazam. I'd end my report with "This is Capn Vince with the beat on the beach for BCN, See Ya!" I had to give a sun report along with the water temp, and of course the dreaded surf report, and I actually had to pick the beach of the day. At first I was reluctant. Mostly because I thought I really had to be at the beach when I called in. Tony had to keep reminding me that this was radio. They couldn't see me. Once I had that down in my head, I let my imagination run amuck.

But, my very first beach report was a disaster.

It was mid June in the summer of 1993. And it was a little intimidating thinking about being live on the radio, talking with DJ's like Charles Laquidara and Mark Parenteau. So I was a little uptight on my first report. And my very first report was to be with Charles on the Big Mattress show. I had my wife with our two young children upstairs keeping the kids occupied, so they wouldn't come bursting into my studio looking to play with Daddy. I had my lines down. I knew what the surf was doing. I knew the sun index. I had even picked a very obscure beach for my first beach pick.

And I was good to go.

Calling live on the radio, you are given a direct line into the studio. The engineer picks up the call, and verifies that it's me. He then gives me an approximate time when Charles will pick up. Those few minutes waiting on hold, listening to the master of morning radio doing his show, was something I'll never forget. I could hear Charles mention, that the first beach report of the year is coming up with Captain Vince. I think he may have goofed on me. I'm not sure.

Suddenly the sound changed on the phone line, and I heard his distinctive voice. "Hello Vince? Is this Captain Vince Shazam?" I stumbled a little "Hello?..Charles?"
"Yes it's me, so Vince what do you have for us this morning?" I was not sure if Charles knew what I was there for. "Uhhh I'm supposed to give the beach report..." "Right Vince, that's why you called. So give us the report." he answered with a lightening
fast response. "Oh OK, well here it is, the first beach report of the summer..."then I went on automatic pilot.

I had a cheat sheet in front of me, so I read down the list. And when I got to the Capn's Beach pick of the day...I gave them my pick. "Plum Island in Newbury, Massachusetts!" Charles asked me about the beach. "So Vince is that a nice beach?" Oh yea Charles, it's a great beach for families and lovers, and just hanging out. You'll love it. And be sure and tell them that Capt Vince from BCN sent you there!" Charles came back and said "Alright Thanks Vince, I'll talk with you the same time tomorrow morning!" I said goodbye and hung up the phone. I did it. My first beach report. My wife came down shortly after hearing it, and said that I did fine.

But wait, you are more than likely wondering why I said my first beach report was a disaster right? Well my friends, read on...

No sooner did my wife leave, when the phone started ringing. I thought it was my friends calling in to say that they heard it and it was good. I picked up the phone expecting to hear the accolades and ribbing from my surf buddies. "Hello?" I heard a loud voice "Is this Vince?" It was Charles. "Yes this is Vince. Hi Charles..wha..." before I could finish, he screamed at me. "What the hell's the matter with you? Did you do any research on the beaches you pick?" My mind was racing... huh? I know there's a beach at Plum Island. "The damn phone's been ringing off the hook from the entire Plum Island community!" he screamed. "Why, what did I do?" I stammered feebly.

"That beach is closed because the Piping Plovers are mating"

I was stunned. "The what are mating?" "The piping freaking plovers you idiot!" he screamed back at me. "What the hell is a freaking Piping Plover?" I asked. "They are an endangered seabird species that live on Plum Island!" Charles yelled. Apparently the Audubon society heard the report, as did others in the Newburyport and Newbury community, and flooded the station with calls.

I felt sick to my stomach.

I guess these little sea birds, who are the size of sparrows, were a dangerous species that were having a hard time mating, and the townspeople and the federal government had closed the beaches, so the little birds could mate in privacy. And here I am, sending thousands of rock and rollers to this cool little beach. Oh man. I calmed Charles down, and said I would apologize on the air later that day with Mark Parenteau, and again the next morning with Charles. I honestly did not know of the plight of these little birds at the time. I felt pretty bad. I mean, thinking of those little birds trying to get romantic in those sand dunes with each other, only to have the mood ruined by these roving hordes of city folk swarming their love nests...oh man.

I did apologize on the air that afternoon with Parenteau. But I did add a little bit of sarcasm ..."and for those of you who happen to stumble on a pair of those little birds buggering the hell out of each other, do them a favor and look the other way." Except I don't think the local folks who eat ,sleep, and drink those little seabirds thought it was very funny though.

To quote my favorite Jerky Boy's line..."Ahh ya see, we're off to a bad start here."

There were other times that summer of '93 when I was getting better at my beach reports that I'd like to share with you. Giving surf reports for example was always a dicey situation. It's the old dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I was always directing surf traffic to other locations. I know, I know...it's terrible. But back then, I was still a rebel of sorts. I was always sending surfers to Maine, Mass, and Rhode Island. Rarely did I say the surf was good here in NH.

I got good at sounding like I was at the beach too.

I had an audio cassette of the sound of surf playing on my stereo in the background as I called in each day. On the radio, it sounded like I was at the beach. When in reality, I was sitting in my studio. Like Tony said. "It's Radio Ralph."

And that was never more evident than when I called in a beach report, standing in the middle of a large cornfield in Morris, Illinois. I swear on the souls of my parents I did this. My wife and I had taken our two children to Morris, Illinois, so her grandparents could see their great grandchildren. I still had to do the beach reports. So I slipped off and got out my large Cell phone. Remember those things? I got a signal, and called one of my friends back home on the coast to find out about the surf and weather conditions. Then I called into the studio, and spoke with Albert O. I leveled with him and told him where I was. I've known Albert for years. He thought I was joking. I wasn't. But the millions of listeners never knew the difference that day.

Then there was my last beach report.

I did it live on the air, while riding a surfboard. And I have several witnesses and some photographic proof. (See below. ) And let me tell you, that was no easy task. Getting a signal back in 1993 on those old cell phones was hard enough. Paddling around with one, and then catching a wave, and giving my last beach report while surfing? Come on people. Who's ever done that before? Give it up! Truth be told, I dropped the phone at the end of my report. I got it back, but it was ruined. Still that has to be the most memorable beach report ever given in New England history. My last line was...

"That's one small wave for surfing, but one giant wave for WBCN..."


Now for some of my weekly Global observances:
I just saw that saddest photos to date of the BP oil spill. They are posted on ESM's website. It's terrible to see. Until you see what's really happening to the wildlife it's hard to fathom the depth of it all. Suffice it to say, it is truly a tragedy.

The Flood horror story this week was terrible. It's amazing what can happen to our every day lives when nature reacts like that. Say a prayer for the families of those
who lost their lives.

Speaking of natural disasters, how about Helen Thomas's big bonehead snafu last week? Oh boy...the face that launched a thousand ridiculous questions at White House Press conferences, finally stuck her big stinky foot in that trap of hers, and it cost her her job. Look no offense girl, but you are in your freaking 90's...it's time to let some other up and coming reporter have a job, and let them build their own reputation. For better or for worse. Move over rover (pun intended), it's time for you to fetch frisbees on the beach. Fetch Helen...Good girl!

How about the most amazing debut of a Rookie baseball pitcher to date. Stephen Strausburg's amazing debut pitching for the Washington Nationals against the Pittsburgh Pirates struck out 14 batters while throwing some 100pmh fast balls in front of the largest crowd of the year for the DC based Nationals.

To say he is going to be one of baseball's greatest stars may be an understatement. The kid's just 21 years old and he's creating a buzz everywhere. I know there are those who know more about baseball than I ever will and there are those who will help guide him through all the BS that is headed his way. My simpleton advice is this:
Stay focused. Concentrate on the game itself. Avoid distractions. Girls, booze, drugs, etc, etc. There's plenty of time to mess up your life after baseball.

Take advantage of this gift of yours. And good things will happen for you.

Oh yea baby we got ourselves a NBA Finals now. The game on Thursday was GREAT! Watching NBA b-ball is hard because there's so much action and scoring. The game can go back and forth all night long. But it's those final 10 minutes that count the most. At least for me it is. But I admit, I am not a big baseball, basketball, and soccer fan. I guess it has something to do with me being forced to play baseball and basketball as a kid. My dad made me play. I guess that's why surfing became even more special to me. It was as far away as the organized sports that my peers were playing. Don't get me wrong kids. I love watching the games now. I always will. So having said that.

GO CELTICS break those yellow and purple backs on Sunday. Break 'em good.

CONGRATS To Brian Nevins for yet another COVER feature! This time it's the BEST East Coast Magazine on the planet. Eastern Surf Magazine. It's in the shops as you read this.
Monday June 14th is Flag day...fly your colors!
Friday June 18th the local WHS class of 2010 graduates! Good luck to all the graduating seniors. Let those dreams become a reality and don't let anyone tell you, you can't be what you want to be. Go after it.

CHECK OUT THE NEW/Old YESTERDAY PAGE! ALL OLD New England and beyond Surf Pics!*NEW PICS added each week!


THE NEW ENGLAND LONGBOARD Classic is June 13th, 2010 at at 10AM Nantasket Beach -Hull, MA. This looks like fun.

*Check out the NEW updated DROPPING IN ON RALPH blog Section.
ALL Of May is up. *This is the blog section of this website where you can write in and comment. The only downside of this blog is, you actually have to use your REAL Name. No hiding behind some fake handle and name. If you want to comment, you have to man up, and be yourself. I will post all comments, both good and bad.
You just have to be yourself.

Please Support ALL The photographers who contribute to Ralph's Pic Of The Week
every week for the last 7 years. **Think about BUYING a Photo from any of the weeks on RPOTW as a GREAT Gift Idea. A nice framed photo of your favorite Surfer!

Remember my friends...Surfing Heals All Wounds....
Pray for Surf. Pray for Peace. Surf For Fun.

Ralph